Fathers without custody meet with a judge in Weinfelden for a discussion
St. Galler Tagblatt from October 10, 2007
Andreas Fagetti
Their stories are different, but they are fighting for the same thing: joint custody. Eight fathers invited a judge to an interview in Weinfelden last week.
There are also mothers without custody. But it is usually fathers who are excluded from raising children after a divorce or separation if their former partner wants to do so. Even visiting times and holiday regulations recorded in court are sometimes not worth the paper they are written on. In such a case, the parent with custody can be punished with a fine or even prison, but visitation rights are apparently only rarely enforced with reference to the child's best interests (authorities) or out of fear of completely losing contact with the children (fathers). In any case, the association of fathers without custody refers to such experiences. After all, almost a third of divorcing couples in Switzerland now agree on joint custody, and children can now have a say via judicial hearings. However, “Fathers without Custody” also finds a discrepancy between “theory” and practice.
Little accommodation
Affected fathers like Patrick Baumann from Arbon know a thing or two about it. They are fighting for clear legal regulations - at least for joint custody as the norm. Your latest demand goes a radical step further with equal custody as the norm. Joint custody - as it is known in the USA - not only means shared parenting, but also equal care as a basis for discussion in the event of a divorce. Despite proven commitment and willingness to reduce working hours and take on care work in favor of childcare, some fathers experience or have experienced little accommodation - including from the authorities. “They often have a rigid image of the family,” says Herbert K.* indignantly. In the past, fathers were accused of not taking part in the upbringing and care of their children. “And now that more and more men are involved in raising and caring for children, people are desperately clinging to old ideas. That’s a thing of the past!” But he is certain: young women no longer see shared custody as a battleground. When he recently collected signatures for a petition in favor of joint custody in Wil, all the young women signed without hesitation.
New divorce law?
Efforts are currently underway in Bern to revise divorce law accordingly. A corresponding template is in preparation. But the matter is highly controversial. Mistrust and tough arguments continue on the political stage. The fronts run across the board, including among women. In terms of party politics, the dividing lines are becoming clearer: the majority of the left are against joint custody as a legally enshrined rule, while the bourgeois parties are in favor of it.
Enforced in court
For Herbert K. the change in the law comes too late anyway. When the time comes, his children will already be adults. He lived in a cohabitation with his partner and therefore had a particularly difficult starting point. But he fought stubbornly and finally enforced the contact rule with a lawsuit when his former partner didn't comply. “I would recommend this to everyone,” he says that evening in the Löwen restaurant in Weinfelden. However, he doesn't want to wait until the legal wheels grind in his favor. And that's why he asks the judge from the Thurgau Higher Court, who is available for a discussion and information that evening: "Couldn't we form a committee with everyone involved and try to change the current practice in favor of fathers willing to care?" All questions from the fathers' circle are met with goodwill by the chief judge. But not much more. He can't promise them anything. And confronts some of the wishes expressed that evening with reality.
To the detriment of the children
Nevertheless, the eight fathers are satisfied for the moment. A decision maker took the time to listen to them. Maybe something will stick after all. For example, the story of Robert S.*, who mainly looked after the children while his wife pursued a career. Now he is in mediation. He would like to have joint custody. But his wife suddenly doesn't want to know anything about it anymore, even though she attests to her husband being a good father.
Maybe the story of Samuel B.* will impress him. He also takes care of his children. He lives in the same neighborhood as the children, a few meters from his ex-wife's apartment. One Sunday evening the police suddenly appeared at the door and demanded that the children be released. Her mother sent her. Samuel B. was perplexed. Until now, it had been customary for the children to go to school from their father's apartment on Monday morning after a weekend visit. Such stories outrage fathers. You feel at the mercy of arbitrariness. If the parent with custody holds all the strings and abuses this power, it alienates the children from the other parent. But that's bad for the children.
*Names changed by the editors