Fathers without custody meet with a judge in Weinfelden for a discussion
St. Galler Tagblatt, October 10, 2007,
Andreas Fagetti
Their stories differ, but they are fighting for the same thing: joint custody. Eight fathers invited a judge to a meeting in Weinfelden last week.
While there are mothers without custody, it is usually fathers who are excluded from raising their children after a divorce or separation if their former partner so desires. Even court-ordered visitation schedules and holiday arrangements are sometimes worthless. Although the custodial parent can be fined or even imprisoned in such cases, visitation rights are apparently rarely enforced, either due to the child's welfare (authorities) or out of fear of losing contact with the children altogether (fathers). The association "Fathers Without Custody" points to such experiences. In Switzerland, almost a third of divorcing couples now agree on joint custody, and children can now participate in court hearings. However, "Fathers Without Custody" also observes a discrepancy between theory and practice in this area.
Little willingness to compromise
Affected fathers like Patrick Baumann from Arbon know this all too well. They are fighting for clear legal regulations – at a minimum, joint custody as the norm. Their latest demand goes a radical step further with equal custody as the standard. Equal custody – as it exists in the USA – means not only shared parenting but also equally divided caregiving as a basis for discussion in divorce proceedings. Because despite proven commitment and a willingness to reduce working hours and take on childcare responsibilities, some fathers experience little cooperation – even from the authorities. "They often have an outdated view of the family," Herbert K.* complains. He says that fathers used to be accused of not participating in raising and caring for their children. "And now, when more and more men are involved in raising and caring for their children, they're clinging desperately to old ideas. That's so antiquated!" But he is certain: Young women no longer see joint custody as a battleground. When he recently collected signatures in Wil for a petition in favor of joint custody, all the young women signed without hesitation.
New divorce law?
Currently, efforts are underway in Bern to revise divorce law accordingly. A corresponding proposal is being prepared. However, the matter is highly controversial. Mistrust and heated debates continue on the political stage. The lines of division run across party lines, including among women. Within party politics, the dividing lines are more clearly defined: the left largely opposes joint custody as the legally enshrined norm, while the center-right parties support it.
Enforced in court
For Herbert K., the change in the law is coming too late anyway. By the time it takes effect, his children will already be grown. He lived with his partner in a cohabiting relationship and therefore faced a particularly difficult starting point. But he fought tenaciously and ultimately enforced a visitation order through legal action when his former partner violated it. "I would recommend that to everyone," he says this evening at the Löwen restaurant in Weinfelden. However, he doesn't want to wait until the wheels of justice turn in his favor. And so he asks the judge from the Thurgau High Court, who is available this evening for discussion and information: "Couldn't a committee be formed with all parties involved and thus try to change the current practice in favor of fathers willing to participate in childcare?" All the questions from the group of fathers are met with goodwill by the presiding judge. But not much more than that. He can't promise them anything. And he confronts some of the wishes expressed this evening with reality.
To the detriment of the children
Nevertheless, the eight fathers are satisfied for the moment. A decision-maker took the time to listen to them. Perhaps something will stick. For example, the story of Robert S.*, who primarily cared for the children while his wife pursued her career. Now he is in mediation. He would like joint custody. But his wife suddenly wants nothing to do with it, even though she attests that her husband is a good father.
Perhaps the story of Samuel B.* will impress him. He, too, cares for his children. He lives in the same neighborhood as them, just a few meters from his ex-wife's apartment. One Sunday evening, the police suddenly appeared at his door and demanded that the children be handed over. The mother had sent them. Samuel B. was perplexed. Until then, it had been customary for the children to go to school from their father's apartment on Monday morning after a weekend visit. Such stories outrage fathers. They feel at the mercy of arbitrary power. If the parent with custody holds all the cards and abuses that power, it alienates the children from the other parent. And that, they believe, is detrimental to the children.
*Names changed by the editors