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FACTS 03/2006 , January 19, 2006, Ruth Brüderlin, collaboration: Thomas Buomberger In the battle for custody, a growing number of women are accusing their partners of abusing their children. Regardless of whether the allegations are true, the consequences are fatal for men and children. Lawyers are now calling for penalties for false suspicions. |
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The photograph shows two bare, stained children's legs and a date on the upper right edge of the picture: July 14, 2003. The photograph is intended to break a father's neck. She is supposed to bring about the decision in a bitter fight over their child, which has become known as the “Ruben case” beyond the borders of Switzerland. Lucille Hunkeler, 30, the mother who had been in hiding with her son Ruben for two years, let the authorities see the photograph with a note written on the edge of the picture: "Ruben was often brought to my home with such hematomas by his father S. Bianchi." The fugitive Lucille Hunkeler is wanted by an international criminal warrant. Their sympathizers brought the alleged piece of evidence to the judiciary. “We have evidence, photos and affidavits that prove that Ruben was abused by his father,” says Heidi Affolter-Eijsten, who, as Hunkeler’s legal representative, is making a new attempt in the dramatic tussle surrounding the now six-year-old boy. A criminal complaint has been filed against Bianchi, and Affolter-Eijsten is already announcing the tariff: “Ruben has to stay with his mother.” The investigations will have to show whether the Hunkeler lobby's tactics work. But what is clear: In the Ruben case, the heaviest artillery that a party can deploy in the fight for the child has now been deployed. The mere suspicion of sexual abuse and violence against a child is considered a knock-out weapon.
In this respect, this case is no different from hundreds of other divorce proceedings that take place behind closed doors. Allegations of abuse in custody and divorce proceedings are currently experiencing a fatal boom. Swiss guardianship authorities, courts and advice centers agree: such accusations are increasing. Zurich judicial circles assume a 40 percent increase in allegations of sexual abuse alone since 1995. How many of these allegations are actually true is not recorded in Switzerland. However, studies from abroad speak for themselves. The German lawyer Burkard Schade, professor at the University of Dortmund, compiled statistics based on 250 expert reports. His conclusion: “There are less than ten percent in which we were able to confirm the suspicion,” writes Schade in a documentation.
In the bitter fight for their child, mothers are tempted, even against their better judgment, to resort to this weapon - because it is ruthlessly efficient: an incriminated father is from now on only allowed to see his child under supervision - or not at all.
It can take up to two years for the accusation to be clarified. Accusation for tactical reasons
The issue is an emotional and ideological minefield. Interest groups for divorced men such as the organization “Responsibly Raising Fathers VEV” or “Team” complain that the accusation of abuse is made almost reflexively for tactical reasons, and experts are demanding that the misuse of the accusation of abuse itself should be made a punishable offense. A good thousand former spouses fight through all the courts every year, and in the vast majority of cases they fight for custody or visitation rights. The increasing inability of couples to separate gracefully and amicably harms children, puts a strain on criminal authorities and courts - and repeatedly plunges wrongly accused fathers into personal tragedy. DR*, 38, is accused of sexually abusing his daughter. His apartment has been emptied. Only the Bang & Olufsen stereo system and a few designer chairs are in the living room. R. puts his hands on his knees and talks about the moment he saw three-year-old Tonia again for the first time after seven months of separation. “Lieg, daddy!” , she called. R. Voice breaks. The events have taken such a toll on him that he has to pull himself together to be able to continue speaking.
As if he would die on the spot
His ex-wife B.*, 44, made the accusation when the marriage protection judge asked her why she was refusing the father any contact with his daughter. R. says that at the time he felt as if he would die on the spot: “The ground beneath my feet opened up.” BR justified her assumption as follows: Daughter Tonia* touches her genitals while changing her diaper, the girl wants to be scratched all over her body and give French kisses. It was clear to the mother that a small child could not come up with this on its own. Admittedly, this evidence did not convince the marriage protection judge. But abuse and domestic violence are official crimes, and the judge had to act: He commissioned a report from a child psychologist and immediately ordered supervised visitation rights. R. was only allowed to see Tonia for a few hours and in the presence of someone she trusted. That wasn't enough for the mother, who filed a criminal complaint despite the lack of evidence. Jean-Luc Rioult, head of the divorce section at the Zurich Bar Association, explains the increase in such advertisements with two main reasons: “There is greater awareness in society; The issue of child abuse is more likely to be addressed, which is good. But at the same time there is a certain hysteria.” Rioult believes that over the last few years, the topics of child abuse and pedophilia have been discussed so eagerly in public that soon a sexual predator is suspected around every corner. In addition, certain lawyers now have a reputation for actually asking their clients to look for evidence to support an abuse claim. Divorce law expert Rioult defends his colleagues against this suspicion - but he has to admit: "Such a lawsuit consolidates the mother's position and secures her custody." On February 24, 2005, at five o'clock in the morning, the St. Gallen cantonal police arrested Beat Z.*, 62. Suspicion here too: sexual acts with children. Seven officers led Zeller away in handcuffs and confiscated his computer, cell phone, video and photo albums. “I was stunned,” says Z., “but I soon realized that this was another attempt by my ex to finish me off.” Since July 2000, the mechanical engineer has been in a divorce war with his wife Anna*, 38; She comes from the Dominican Republic, works as a cabaret dancer and brought three children into the marriage.
Three weeks in custody
The ad comes from one of these children. Stepdaughter Isabella*, 22, claimed that Z. had laid naked in bed with her six years earlier and touched her private parts. The day before Isabella went to the police, she had a heated argument with her stepfather on the phone. Z. had once again complained that he could only see his biological daughter Nina*, 8, irregularly. “Isabella and I never get along,” says Z. Isabella, of all people, has been mainly looking after her little sister Nina since her parents separated. Especially at night when, as Zeller claims, the mother works as a prostitute. Z. was in custody for three weeks. Then finally all the witnesses were interviewed and the material from his apartment was evaluated. Result: There was not a single hint of pedophilia. "Nevertheless, the public prosecutor's office forbade me to have any contact even after my release," says Z.. He is not allowed to see Nina until the proceedings are completed - probably in the fall. What made matters worse for Z. was that his wife Anna had already accused him of abusing Nina when they separated in 2000. The 28-page report from the youth psychiatric service concluded that there were no signs of abuse. On the contrary: the mother can hardly perceive the needs of the child and a change in custody to the child's father must be considered. The renewed accusation affected Z.'s entire existence. He moved away from the village where he had lived for thirty years. “The neighbors obviously noticed the police action.” Z. had to be “kept up” in a psychiatric clinic for several weeks. “The accusation of being a pedophile destroyed me mentally and physically.” Z. is receiving a disability pension today and the divorce date is at the end of February.
He can probably forget his original demand to get custody of Nina - after a child abuse trial. Experts now also see a need for action. Yvo Biderbost from the guardianship authority of the city of Zurich says: “We are aware that certain allegations are sometimes made for tactical reasons. We are trying to prevent a party from playing for time.” In a divorce, time is a valuable commodity: the longer children are not allowed to see their fathers, the greater the alienation. The longer a child has settled into an environment, the less likely a divorce judge is to tear them away. “But it is not in the child’s interest to alienate the father,” says Biderbost, “even if such allegations are raised.” Lawyer Jean-Luc Rioult argues similarly: “The allegations are based on a fundamental problem: one parent wants to deny the other access.” However, regular contact with the biological child must be respected as a legal interest worthy of protection. Rioult is calling for prison sentences for repeated and systematic obstruction of contact with children. “Every citizen must know: If I affect the children’s contact with the other parent, I risk being punished. Only then will this right of contact be taken really seriously.” Such legal consequences would particularly affect women. In an estimated 80 percent of cases, it is the mother who uses every means possible to torpedo visitation rights.
“I was afraid that my daughter wouldn’t recognize me anymore,” says DR, “she was only three years old.” The first meeting after seven months finally took place in a children's home specially set up for such purposes. He asked the carers not to force Tonia if she didn't want to talk to him voluntarily. As he entered the hallway, she was running from one playroom to the other, stopped and looked at him. Then she shouted: “Lieg, daddy!” and ran towards him with his arms outstretched. The suspicion that a father's love for his child also includes sexual interests usually creeps up on mothers. At the beginning there is “a diffuse unease,” says Vreny Schaller, head of the Lucerne Child Protection Department. “My experience is that when the mothers finally express their suspicions, they really believe it and are convinced.” The more isolated a mother is in the separation situation, the greater the risk that she will develop the idea of abuse and systematically look for evidence. “It no longer occurs to such a mother that there can be many reasons why a child behaves abnormally after visiting days or even complains of complaints.” Child advocate Schaller says that a woman who makes a false allegation of abuse in full awareness shows “pathological traits” – but this is the exception. The only problem is that it is difficult to prove that a mother has been accused of abuse. Even if her suspicions cannot be substantiated, that does not necessarily mean that the mother acted maliciously. According to Schaller, the abuse begins at the latest when a mother orders one report after another, subjecting her child to repeated gynecological examinations and questioning. This procedure is stressful for every child, and the criminal authorities are forced to look for a chain of evidence. Regula Schwager, psychologist at the Castagna children's and women's protection center in Zurich, says: "A three-year-old cannot say that daddy stuck his Schnäbi in the Fudi. He might say that daddy has white spiders coming out of his mouth. Or he talks about a bear that comes at night and hurts him.” But that is not enough for legal proceedings. The suspicion of abuse is a great burden, especially for the child himself. Strangers ask him strange questions: And suddenly he doesn't see his daddy anymore - usually without even knowing why.
Children instigated – but no punishment
The representatives of the Castagna victim protection office vehemently oppose placing all complaining women under general suspicion. “We experience the opposite: that women do not raise a justified suspicion of abuse because they fear that they will be accused of tactical behavior.” Nevertheless, exactly these cases do exist: Lawyers keep telling the story of the Zurich mother who was proven to have incited her children to draw the father urinating on the children. She was not punished for this - because of insanity.
Nevertheless, the equation “devious women, defenseless men” is too simple. Whoever has a trump card in a divorce war plays it. Men are not better people than women; men often try to discredit their ex-wives with accusations.
For example, by accusing them of psychosis. But the accusation of sexual abuse is – still – a purely female weapon. For years, Walter B.*, 42, from Basel has been waging a divorce dispute with his spirited Peruvian wife Dolores*, 39. She claims with great regularity that he beats her and he denies any guilt.
Just a few days ago he received a criminal complaint: fines of over 500 francs. He is said to have punched his wife in the stomach and hit her on the head with the flat of his hand. She called the police as usual. “Because she knows exactly that she can count on the support of the male officers and that she will be ordered to see a doctor,” he says.
The medical report found a small hematoma on her forearm, which she “could have gotten from somewhere.” This time there was an argument when Bucher wanted to pick up his eight-year-old daughter Sonja* for the weekend. The mother had not prepared any suitable clothes. «It was raining and I wanted to put together the essentials myself. Then she attacked me like a fury." Since this incident, he has only been allowed to meet his daughter when accompanied by someone he trusts. But the daughter, of all people, is stubborn and keeps spontaneously visiting her father on her own. B. feels he has been treated unfairly - but he is at a loss as to how to refute the accusations. The mere fact that he has to provide counter-evidence makes him angry. “When my ex-wife screams for help from the window, everyone assumes that she really needs help. Nobody can see that I'm standing in the doorway with my arms crossed." Once a suspicion is expressed, it can hardly be eliminated. Especially not when there is a complaint. DR, Tonia's father, wanted to play with open cards and informed his employer. He initially took him out of the “stress line of fire” – until last October. Then, after 20 years of service, R. was terminated. “My performance was no longer right, a bank is not a protected workshop.” The proceedings against R. have been discontinued today and the restriction on visitation rights has been lifted. And above all: his ex-wife B. has to pay 500 francs in legal costs. This judicial reprimand is having an effect. Tonia, now seven, regularly visits her father and his new partner. She did not want to tell FACTS whether the biological mother B. still fears that her daughter is threatened by her father. R. tries to react calmly to provocations: “I don’t argue anymore. The main thing is that I see my daughter.”
* Name changed