A sociologist from Bremen criticizes the silence surrounding female violence in families, saying: "Figures on violent men are misleading."
Hamburg – Men are apparently far more frequently victims of violent women than is commonly known. Sociology professor Gerhard Amendt, head of the Institute for Gender and Generation Research at the University of Bremen, even concludes in an interview with the men's lifestyle magazine "Men's Health" (issue 10/2008, on sale September 17, 2008) that "women hit their partners more often than men in relationships" – thus challenging a societal taboo.
He doubts the Federal Ministry for Family Affairs' claim that 95 percent of all domestic crimes are committed by men against women. "The figures used here in Germany generally come from women's counseling centers or shelters for battered women, which they've rather arbitrarily cobbled together from their own work. This is then extrapolated to the entire population, and politicians readily accept it. The figures are not representative; they are misleading," says Amendt, who also criticizes the fact that international research findings are simply ignored in Germany. "In our society, there's a pronounced tendency
to simply ignore the violent aspects of women," Amendt continues. "Violence between partners is supposedly only male—nothing else is allowed to exist." According to the sociologist, this taboo leads to only a minority of affected men speaking openly about the violence perpetrated by their wives. "Some act as if their partner's blows don't hurt them," says Amendt. "The next day, they secretly go to the doctor with broken ribs. The physical pain, however, is usually less painful than the fact that the woman
hit them. This expresses contempt and, moreover, implies that one cannot talk to a man." Many men are "therefore desperate" and "simply bury their experience inside," says the expert.
Those affected are comparable "to the women of the 1950s." "They experience violence from their partner and remain silent about it—ashamed, like society as a whole." But this silence actually encourages the violence perpetrated by women, warns Amendt. "These men have
no idea what they are doing when they deny their pain. They encourage the woman to hit them harder and harder, because she usually wants her partner to talk. However, women don't always hit just to make the man talk, but also to silence him. There are countless variations," explains the sociology professor. To effectively help affected men overcome isolation, "completely new counseling centers" are needed, demands Amendt. However, Germany is still far from having such centers.
"As long as the leading federal family policy actively contributes to the denial of female violence within families, this is difficult to imagine," the sociology professor concludes, but he doesn't give up hope: "I think that a change will occur here in the next few years."
Here is the complete interview with gender and generational researcher Gerhard Amendt:
A man is beaten by his wife. He calls the police, who remove him from the apartment. How can this be?
In this case, according to the Protection Against Violence Act, the woman should leave. However, in our society, there is a pronounced tendency
to simply ignore the violent tendencies of women. Violence between partners is supposedly only male – nothing else is allowed to exist. Does this mean that female violence is being silenced? People are ignoring what international research shows, namely that women hit their partners more often than men in relationships. The fact that no one acknowledges these scientific findings is a political problem. It is telling that there is no funding in this country for research on male experiences of domestic violence.
But there are statistics on this. Where do they come from?
The figures used here in Germany generally come from women's counseling centers or shelters for battered women, which they've rather arbitrarily cobbled together from their own work. These are
then extrapolated to the entire population, and politicians readily accept them. The figures are not representative; they are misleading. In Germany, the entire debate is conducted with such timidity that no one in politics or academia dares to ask where the figures come from that perpetuate prejudices about men.
How do affected men cope with this violence?
It varies greatly. Some pretend their partner's blows don't hurt them. The next day, they secretly go to the doctor with broken ribs. The physical injury, however, usually hurts less than the fact that the woman hit them. This expresses contempt and, moreover, implies that one cannot talk to a man. Many men are therefore desperate.
The saying goes: "An Indian's heart knows no pain"?
Exactly. And these men have no idea what they're doing when they deny their pain. They're driving the woman to hit harder and harder, because she usually wants her partner to talk. However, women don't always hit just to get the man to talk, but also to silence him. There are countless variations.
Who can abused men turn to?
There are no specialized support services. Many men go to the youth welfare office, especially if their partner also hits the children. They often have negative experiences there. Our research reports similar experiences at social services offices or family support centers in the communities. Many men simply keep their experiences to themselves. But increasingly, more are speaking openly
about the violence perpetrated by their partners.
Why are there so few?
Primarily out of shame, but also because there is no counseling available. Until now, society and the courts have considered these men weak and haven't believed them. Or the men see that other men have negative experiences with this and don't want to expose themselves to it as well. It's obvious that this doesn't help the relationship with its problem of violence. One thing must be remembered: For women, going public brings attention; they receive material and emotional support. As perceived victims, this improves their chances if family court disputes arise concerning the children. Men don't yet experience the
solidarity of society. They are comparable to the women of the 1950s: They experience violence from their partners and remain silent about it—ashamed, just like society as a whole.
What could support services for men who have experienced domestic violence look like?
In the US, the discussion is no longer about violence perpetrated by men or women, but rather about violence within families.
Because it has become clear: when parents hit each other, the children are also hit – and eventually, they hit back. Therefore, we need entirely new facilities where families who have experienced violence can receive professional help. Children, men, and women can go there – or ideally, the whole family. For this, we need completely new counseling centers.
Do you believe that such services will eventually be available here in Germany?
As long as the leading federal family policy actively contributes to the denial of female violence within families, it's hard to imagine. But I think that a change will occur here in the next few years – just like it is currently happening in the USA.
Men's Health/ 17.09.2008