Nicole Althaus in the Tagesanzeiger of October 29, 2009
Imagine this: You're on vacation, you've rented a house with a friend's family somewhere by a pretty lake, you're enjoying the last warm days of the year, wandering through the autumn woods with the children, making a fire and taking photos, including one in the bathroom showing the children playing naked and joyfully in the bathtub. After returning home, you take your memory stick to a photo shop and have selected pictures printed on photo paper. A few hours later, the police ring your doorbell, arrest you, and charge you with sexual assault.
That's exactly what happened to Lisa and Anthony Demaree from Arizona last year. They were subsequently acquitted, but were not allowed to see their children during the state investigation into the abuse allegations . Last month, they a lawsuit against the store that had embarrassed them with the so-called pornographic photos.
Before the anti-American faction starts mocking the supposedly immoral standards of the USA again and dismissing this as the absurd aberration of a notoriously litigious nation, I'd like to tell you the story of a Swiss father who, among other things, was only allowed supervised visits to his now 9-year-old daughter for two years because of bathtub photos. The abuse accusation wasn't brought on him by a photography business, but by his wife. I met the father, a programmer, while researching a story about shared custody. His wife had raised suspicions of child abuse when they couldn't agree on child support payments. Although the evidence didn't convince the judge, abuse is a crime that, meaning the authorities are obligated to launch an investigation. They commissioned an expert report from a child psychologist, interviewed people close to the father, restricted his visitation rights, and made it supervised. Today, the father sees his daughter regularly every other weekend and during some school holidays; all accusations have been refuted – but the suspicion has clung to him. To this day.
Such misuse of abuse is unfortunately not an isolated incident. Just a few years ago, Zurich legal circles spoke of a 40 percent increase in allegations of abuse in divorce proceedings since 1995. Since then, the way authorities, especially in cities and metropolitan areas, handle allegations of abuse has become more professional, and the dangerous trend is declining, as my research yesterday revealed. But it still occurs. Because allegations of abuse are ruthlessly effective. They put fathers on hold for extended periods. And they influence divorce proceedings. The only study in this area comes from Germany and is unfortunately already ten years old. But its findings speak volumes: According to the study, 42 percent of all allegations of abuse in custody or visitation cases are extremely vague, 92 percent turn out to be unfounded, but they influence the judges in 42 percent of all cases examined.
Raising public awareness of child abuse and pedophilia is important and necessary. But the downside is apparently a tendency to suspect a pedophile lurking around every corner. This is disastrous. Not only for divorced fathers or teachers, but also for actual victims of abuse. And it has consequences for all fathers. Because anyone who has to live with the fear that their relationship with their own children could one day be dissected by the police, psychologists, and judges lives in constant self-censorship. At least, that's how a father friend described his physical contact with his young child to me. A bath with the child? Too dangerous for him. Since separating from the mother, he only gets in the tub with his daughter, if at all, wearing only his swimming trunks. Another father confessed that he always calls his girlfriend when his daughter has diaper rash and needs cream.
Have we become paranoid due to excessive sensitivity?