Despite the separation, they remained parents

When Laura's cat died six years ago, her mother put the then nine -year -old in the car and drove her to the father, who lives away from her ten minutes. He hugged his daughter and dried her tears. Together, the parents attracted their consolation. After half an hour, Laura felt better, and mother and daughter drove home again. "When we ended our marriage ten years ago, we swore to do everything we can to keep our daughter close contact with both of us," says Iris B. Paul D. nods. The two sit on the sofa in the living room of Iris BS Haus in the Aargau Seetal, between them the fifteen -year -old Laura, a bright girl with a shawk -like look.

Responsibility. Laura is one of the few divorce children in Switzerland, whose parents do not argue about custody and care, but rather share the care. Even with the difficult topic of maintenance payments, they found themselves in the middle. Because despite pain about the failed marriage, the parents were clear: parents stay for a lifetime. And: A child should be allowed to live the relationship with both parents under all circumstances. Iris B. explains: «Before the divorce in the circle of friends, we had witnessed how children suffered from the separation of their parents because they could not agree. And we swore that our daughter never has to participate. » Laura no longer remembers what it was like when everyone lived under the same roof. "At some point I suddenly had two rooms," she only knows.

Exchange. When her parents separated, she was in kindergarten age. In order to be able to look after the child together, Paul D. stayed in the house, and Iris B. was looking for an apartment in the same community. For the sake of her daughter, she later refrained from moving to the nearby city. "We didn't want to tear Laura out of her place of residence," says the father. Together with a joint lawyer, they considered the best care solution. Paul D. could not reduce his 100 percent workload as a computer scientist. And so the parents agreed that Laura lives with him on three weekends a month plus on one weekday, the other with the mother. They also found themselves when it comes to aliments. So that Iris B. did not stay financially dependent on her ex -partner, she started working as an independent seamstress. The parents met once a month for the planning. In doing so, they exchanged ideas in their daughter's life: for example, they told themselves that Laura can now go roller skate or wrote a good school grade. "So Laura felt that we are seriously interested in her life."

Freedom. The care plan changed several times. The more self -employed Laura became, the more often she spontaneously passed the father. When she was nine years old, his new partner moved to him. From then on, Laura stayed with the father more often during the week. Today she sometimes changes her room every day. This is not a problem for them: «I enjoy sleeping here and once. If my father and his partner are too strict, I just go to the mother. » Grinning, she looks at her father: "Heavily is my heavy school bag, in which I often have to pack the material for two days." In the village, Laura is the only one of the seven divorce children of her year, which often sees the father. "The others have almost no more contact," she knows.

Crazy points. All of this sounds wonderfully uncomplicated. Were there any sticking points for the parents? Yes, says Paul D. It was not easy for him to always be ready to compromise. After leaving his wife, he was very hurt. "Sometimes I had to jump over my shadow," he recalls. Iris B. found it difficult, again, when a third person suddenly talked to the new partner of her ex -husband - until she realized, “that she does not contest my mother role, but is another caregiver for my daughter, from which this is benefits. " Iris B. adds: "Nobody is so perfect that he can claim the upbringing of a child on his own." In the meantime, a new man has also moved into her house.

Equality. Mother, father and daughter cannot understand that after the separation, the common custody does not automatically apply. Paul D. criticizes: "This is how one gives the men to understand that they are less suitable than parents". This is also evident in the mick -like paternity vacation or the lack of opportunities for fathers to work part -time. "Men and women are equivalent to the law," adds Iris B. and Laura: "No matter how the law is: I do not understand that so many parents do not manage so that it is true for everyone - especially For the children. " Anouk Holthuizen

New regulation custody As part of the revision of the civil code, the common parental concern for divorced and not married parents is to become the rule. In common Swiss practice, common custody is only granted on request and only if both parents agree.
The preparations for the corresponding template for six years were stopped by the Federal Council in January, since additional maintenance questions are to be incorporated into the discussion. Numerous fathers and fathers organizations reacted to the delay with sharp criticism.
On April 15, according to the announcement of the Federal Justice and Police Department (EJPD), a round table for common parental responsibility will now take place in which representatives and representatives of various mother, fathers, family and child protection organizations will take part.