Fathers who work full-time can also be good fathers, writes Margrit Stamm in the AZ. Full-time working fathers can also share the care work with their mother; this work is not defined by its quantity but by its quality. Margrit Stamm therefore rightly complains that today the two models are often played off against each other. So far we completely agree with her.
But what must not be forgotten in the discussion is that full-time working fathers are regularly and reliably banned from their children's lives when they separate from their mother, with reference to their full-time work. They are reduced to the aspect of raising money; their absence from work is interpreted as a lack of interest in their children and family. Forgotten the hours in which the father looked after the children after work, also forgotten the weekends in which he relieved the mother. Forgotten all the many little moments in which the father was there for his children and built a close and deep relationship with them.
In court, only the hours worked count and anyone who has worked full time, or even a little more, should now stay outside because “they were never there before”.
Of course, there are also those fathers who contribute nothing to raising children other than the financial basis.
But there are also others, and in the event of a separation they are automatically disqualified from their role as a father based solely on the number of hours they work.
So if you talk about playing the two models off against each other, then you would have to start here, with the courts and the authorities, who automatically make this distinction in the event of a separation.
In general, we should stop cementing these flat and striking role models. He works, she takes care of the house and children. Black/white, without any nuances. As Margrit Stamm rightly says, a family is also an economic community and, as a rule, the agreements on the division of work were made jointly.
It would be no more than fair not to suddenly view these jointly agreed rules in the event of a separation as patriarchal oppression of women, but as what they are, namely shared agreements. With the separation, the shared agreements end; they must be renegotiated, openly and freely for both sides, of course taking into account the needs of the children.
With this in mind, thank you very much for your valuable input, Ms. Stamm.