Why Men Are Important in Parenting by Sebastian Bröder
- They change diapers, push strollers, and attend parent-teacher meetings. The world of fathers is changing. Educationalists even speak of a gentle revolution in the concept of fatherhood. Unlike previous generations, the so-called "new fathers" accompany their partners to prenatal classes and into the delivery room. Ninety-one percent of German men now participate in the birth of their child. And two-thirds see themselves primarily as educators of their children, no longer primarily as breadwinners. Instead of being limited to the role of material provider, they want to be fully integrated caregivers for their children.
- Science supports this: fathers play a crucial role in the development of their children. A long-term study in the USA has shown that they have a direct influence on their children's career choices, self-esteem, and social behavior. Psychologists emphasize the father's function as a male role model and acknowledge his decisive contribution to the development of gender roles, particularly in their sons.
The Consequences of Fathers' Absence
: Other studies examine the potential consequences of fathers' absence. For example, it was found that children born during the war who had contact with their fathers in their first six years of life were significantly less susceptible to mental illness into adulthood than their peers who grew up without fathers due to the war. Fathers also appear to influence their children's performance: Psychologists observed nine-month-old infants during free play. Those who received equal care from both parents were consistently rated as more advanced by the researchers.
Not better, but different:
Fathers interact with their children differently than mothers. In doing so, they represent a complement that – to put it simply – broadens the children's horizons, enriches them with certain experiences, and benefits their development.
Even in their interactions with newborns, women and men differ: mothers, for example, maintain very close physical contact with their babies, while fathers tend to approach the infant in a more distanced and playful manner. They make faces or stimulate the baby with sounds and movements. Simply sitting with their child in their arms doesn't seem to suit men.
This continues as the children get older: whether it's throwing a ball, climbing trees, or riding a bike – Dad is in charge of sports and games. Fathers emphasize motor skills and physical activity much more than mothers. They roughhouse with their children, organize small sporting competitions, and encourage independence. They differentiate between boys and girls very early on: they are more gentle, careful, and helpful with their daughters; fathers tend to be more demanding and less lenient with their sons.
Not quantity, but quality.
Let's be clear: fathers are good for their children. But it's also a fact that the social and societal conditions for combining earning money and raising children aren't yet ideal. However, a finding from the aforementioned long-term study from the USA might offer some comfort to new fathers heavily involved in their careers: when fathers engage with their offspring, quality trumps quantity. What matters is the "perceived presence," so the rule is: better one deep, one interaction than frequent, fleeting encounters.
Intensive could mean, for example, that father and child play together or discuss a problem without time pressure (and without Dad doing anything else at the same time!). Intensive also means that Dad doesn't become a stranger on weekends: He should, for example, explain to his children what he does for a living. This allows his child to participate in his life and offers insights into the time he spends away from home. Conversely, it's important to convey to children that their father is interested in their lives: Does he know the name of his son's best friend? Or what shows his daughter likes to watch on TV?
And: When new fathers spend time with their children, they also have an indirect effect. They relieve some of the burden on the mothers. And a balanced "new mother" is certainly good for her children, too.
| © 2008 | mobile-parenting-magazine editorial team |
| www.mobile-elternmagazin.de | |