Fewer worries about custody?

(c) 2011 Migros Magazine. Text: Yvette Hettinger. Images: Lea Meienberg.
Joint custody is to become the norm in Switzerland. Many hopes are associated with the new law.

The Portraits:
A quiet and child-friendly housing estate in a village in Aargau. Large lawns lie between the apartment blocks; Vanessa J.'s* patio borders one of them. The 34-year-old is enjoying a leisurely lunch there with Christina L.* (39), her neighbor from the first floor. Vanessa's son Yann* is bustling around them.

The name "Yann" is tattooed in large letters on the inside of Vanessa's upper arm. The woman from Aargau is very attached to her five-year-old child. So is her estranged husband. When the couple separated a year and a half ago, Vanessa J. knew she would share custody with her soon-to-be ex-husband. "It's not only good for the relationship between Yann and his father," she says, "I also value having days and evenings off." So now Yann lives with his father every other week from Tuesday to Sunday evening, followed by nine consecutive days with his mother. The parent with custody takes the little boy to daycare, picks him up again, eats with him, puts him to bed, and lives a normal daily routine. The fact that Yann's father lives only a few hundred meters from his wife is, of course, beneficial to this custody arrangement. "A good arrangement," Vanessa J. believes, "if we get divorced, we will continue to share custody." For her, that's not a question.

What this woman from Aargau takes for granted has only been possible in Switzerland since 2000: that's when joint custody was introduced as an option. In 2010, 45.5 percent of children affected by divorce were placed under joint custody. Five years earlier, it was 27.5 percent. So far, this has been made possible primarily by mothers, as they are usually granted sole custody and can then decide whether or not to share it.

Understanding is essential for co-parenting.
In the future, however, the situation is set to reverse: Divorced spouses and separated cohabiting couples will automatically receive joint custody. Only in exceptional cases will it be revoked from one parent. This is the aim of a draft law currently being prepared by the Federal Council. When and in what form the new law will come into force is still undecided (see box on page 12). Organizations such as the Association of Responsible Parents and Mothers and the Swiss Association for Joint Parenting are particularly vocal in their support for this new solution.

Without waiting for a legal mandate, Christina L. (39) decided early on to share custody of her daughter Livia (4). During her pregnancy, she and her then-partner applied for joint custody. The couple was happy and reached an amicable agreement. After Livia's birth, the desired child support and custody arrangement was confirmed by the guardianship authority. Livia's parents have since separated, but the arrangement remains in effect. "My ex-partner still supports it," says Christina L., "it was always important to him that Livia was happy." Therefore, her ex-partner pays more than the legal minimum child support. In addition, Christina L. receives a fixed amount from him for herself, which is not provided for unmarried parents. The woman from Aargau has never regretted her decision, but admits: "You really have to get along reasonably well to share the parenting responsibilities. And day-to-day care isn't covered by custody alone."

Linus Cantieni (35), a lawyer specializing in family law, also warns against exaggerated hopes. "Joint custody is not a panacea. Solving the problems associated with divorce requires social policy measures and a change in societal attitudes."

Christina L. glances across the table at her neighbor Vanessa J. and says, "I wish I had that." She's referring to the almost equal division of childcare between her neighbor and her husband. "My ex-partner focuses his energy on his job," Christina says, "he doesn't have much time for Livia." The little girl spends an average of one day a week with her father, plus two to three weeks of vacation a year.

This is how it works for most divorced families: 86 percent of children live with their mothers during the week, many of whom work part-time. This is shown in a study funded by the Swiss National Science Foundation, conducted by the Institute of Law at the University of Zurich and the Zurich Marie Meierhofer Institute for the Child (MMI). Regardless of the type of custody arrangement, divorced families manage their daily lives very differently and usually to everyone's satisfaction. MMI Institute Director Heidi Simoni (53) says: "According to our study, well over half of divorced parents and their children are satisfied with their lives" (see interview). "But these unspectacular cases, of course, don't make headlines." Simoni and her team have concluded: Divorce is not grounds for depriving a parent of custody.

Men are still dependent on the goodwill of their wives.
This is the opinion of Marcel Isler (42), who speaks for many fathers. "The only fair solution would be a fifty-fifty split," he says. The Glarus native is expected to divorce his wife later this year. She may agree to joint custody of their two sons (10 and 13 years old), or she may not. Isler refuses to accept that men in this situation are dependent on the goodwill of women.
In his specific case, he believes everything points to joint custody anyway. "I earn a good living," he says, "we could all live comfortably even if I reduced my working hours." And Isler would gladly do that so he could also care for his sons during the week. His wife, Esther (44), feels somewhat overwhelmed by these demands. "For all these years, I've been a housewife and worked part-time. I primarily took care of the children while their father pursued his career." Now her husband wants to turn the whole arrangement upside down overnight. That's too fast for her. "I'm generally in favor of joint custody," says Esther Isler, "but the solution has to be right for the children, too." Marcel Isler, meanwhile, is convinced: "It would be nice for the boys if we saw each other more often. And we all always talk about the children's best interests."

Kerstin S. sees her twins once a month.
While Marcel Isler's chances of gaining partial custody are still intact, this hope has died for Kerstin S.* (37) from Aargau. Her ten-year-old twins, Noëmi* and Luca*, live 15 kilometers away with their father. S. sees them only one weekend a month. "That's terrible for me," she says. For the past two years, Kerstin S. has had a new partner and two other children with him: an 18-month-old son and a baby boy just a few weeks old. Thanks to her new family, she says she can cope with the difficult situation somewhat better.
In the divorce three years ago, the 37-year-old lost custody of the twins and has had to pay alimony to her ex-husband ever since. The court's reasoning: Kerstin S. worked full-time during the marriage and supported the family. The fight against the court ruling has cost her over 40,000 Swiss francs and fills five file folders. It was all for nothing—quite the opposite. Meanwhile, one of the original two monthly visitation weekends has been canceled. "My ex-husband is mainly trying to get revenge on me for leaving him," she says. "I miss my children terribly and I'm afraid they'll be destroyed by this complicated situation." Kerstin S.'s ex-husband, Armand Z.*, has a different perspective: "Kerstin sometimes canceled her visitation weekends at short notice and once didn't contact the children for six months. They're disappointed and don't want to see them anymore." He says there were violent handovers, which almost broke his heart. Since the twins have been spending most of their time with him, they've been doing well.
"My ex-wife is lying," he says. "In all the arguments, she's not concerned about the children, but about money." Harsh accusations on both sides, a tug-of-war over custody, and the claim that it's all about the children's welfare: this is how marriages often end. Will joint custody prevent this? For Kerstin S., one thing is clear: "Even if I didn't see my twins more often, joint custody would have saved us many ugly arguments and power struggles." And: "If I were ever to separate from my current partner, I would share childcare with him. No one should have to go through what my children and I did."

Text: Yvette Hettinger Images: Lea Meienberg
* Real names known to the editorial staff.

	Christina L. wishes her daughter Livia could spend more time with her father.
	Marcel Isler would also like to take care of his sons during the week.
	Kerstin S. is expecting another child with her new husband.

“Three-quarters of divorced families are satisfied with their lives,”
says Heidi Simoni (53), head of the Marie Meierhofer Institute for the Child in Zurich. This institute, in collaboration with the Institute of Law at the University of Zurich, has researched the well-being of children after divorce.

Heidi Simoni, based on your study, you have recommended introducing joint custody under certain conditions. When does this law make sense?
Our conclusion is that a divorce in itself is not grounds for depriving one parent of custody. However, based on shared responsibility, some fundamental and practical agreements must be negotiated. For the children involved, the concrete realities of everyday life are what truly matter.

Does daily childcare have to be divided exactly 50/50?
No, that's only practical if the parents live very close to each other and their employment situations allow it. Even if one parent is the primary caregiver, both can share the responsibility. What's important is that a relationship with both the father and the mother can be maintained. Our study shows that 30 percent of divorced parents have joint custody. Nevertheless, 86 percent of children of divorce live with their mother during the week, not least because this was also the custody arrangement during the marriage.

• A draft bill to revise divorce law is currently being prepared by the Federal Council. The corresponding article of law stipulates that in the event of a divorce, both mother and father automatically receive joint custody. Custody can only be revoked from one parent upon application and court decision.
• Due to joint custody, divorced parents must agree on the division of care and who is responsible for child support payments. In principle, all decisions concerning the child must be made jointly, with the exception of matters of daily life (food, clothing, treatment of common illnesses, etc.).
• The law is also intended to apply to unmarried parents in the event of a separation.
• It remains to be seen whether joint custody should apply retroactively to couples who have already divorced.
• According to Justice Minister Simonetta Sommaruga, the bill will be submitted to Parliament this year. If both chambers approve the law, joint parental custody will apply from 2013 at the earliest.
• If parliament cannot reach an agreement or a referendum is called, it could be several more years before the new regulation comes into force.
• Separately from the custody issue, the Federal Council is currently also drafting a preliminary proposal for the maintenance regulations. This is expected to be open for public consultation in 2012.